Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | October 13, 2017

Happy Friday 13th!!

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Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | October 8, 2017

Beginning to Feel like My Old Self…

When my sister died in 2008 a huge part of myself died with her. When the holidays started rolling around, I didn’t care. My ex could do whatever he wanted – he did – he put up the most awesome Christmas decoration in the front year complete with those huge metal trees that I think was actually taller than the house!! and he put music to it all – the very end was dedicated to my sister – yep, I blubbered like a baby. I did mange to buy presents for my ex and dd and I did cook Christmas dinner, but, my heart wasn’t in it. They all knew it. I couldn’t help it. I was 100% broken. I lived only for my dd honestly.

Anyone who knows me, even now, knows how much I am such a 2 year old…lol…I love love love love — did I say LOVE — the holidays – from Halloween thru New Years – LOVE it all!! The scents, colors, food – everything. So for me to NOT care about decorating – and doing just the bare minimum if that, yeah, something was wrong.

To be honest, it’s been getting a little better each year. Mainly because of my dd. If it weren’t for her, I honestly don’t think I would be here. Moving forward to three years ago when I became separated right around Thanksgiving – yeah, that was pretty horrid. Totally put a darkness on the holidays – and there was nothing I could do about it. My dd and Mom were both awesome and understanding and I really did try, again, just the bare minimum. We moved to an apt – talk about downsizing!!! We had no need for the deer out front or the zillion window lights or the blow ups – except for my Tigger blow up of course…lol…I still put lights up and we used dd’s little 4′ black tree and used what ornaments we had – it was ok. Last year I added a light projector on our balcony and it sent snowflakes twirling around the ceiling – it was rather cool!! I also added lights along the windows again. This year, it’s Halloween – and I’m seriously decorating. I usually have an arrangement on the door and some kind of lights out on the balcony. This year, I have all that, plus my blow up black cat and I’ve started decorating inside again.

I also signed up for my office BOO surprise – you pick a name and and you get to surprise them all month – then on Halloween they find out who BOO’d them – sooooo much fun!! I went out this weekend and got FUN stuff for my victim…errrr…I mean, BOO recipient…lol…

I have my dd to thank for my slow progress to my old self again – not there yet, but, working on it. I also have the wonderful team at work that I am on to thank for my progress as well. I have only been with them for three months, but, they are just awesome and I am so lucky I am on their team. I think they are stuck with me…lol…I have worked in other offices where the holidays were just another day – and if you know me, you know that I love to celebrate everything – birthdays, holidays, new jobs, raises…smile…

I have always felt that life has enough suckiness and we should celebrate anything – nothing is too small to be celebrated. When my sister died, she proved my thinking that life is too short to not celebrate living and all that goes with it. I hope I have rubbed off on dd with my thinking because we all need a surprise and celebration.

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | September 23, 2017

NEW JOB!!!

I started a new job at the end of June – June 26th to be exact – and I’m coming up on my 90 days and guess what? I LOVE my job!! I love my team and I love the work. What am I doing now you ask? Well, remember when I had gotten my Real Estate License back in 2004? Well, I had also worked in Property Management and LOVED it. I had been trying to get back into that and could just not get my feet in the door anywhere I applied. Until…June 26!!! I clicked right away with everyone – which is a shock really because I don’t like very many females. But, I liked them. I didn’t even wanna go home after the interview!! I wanted to stay with them!!!  …lol… I don’t dread going into work every morning – in fact, I am usually early!! I don’t watch the clock so I can run out the door right at 4pm – in fact, I usually groan when I realize it’s 3pm or so because the time went so fast and I still have stuff to do!! Oh and this whole time I’ve been looking for a new job, whenever getting my RE License back came up, I always said a firm ‘nope’ – NOW I’m actually thinking about going thru that hell of a class again and getting my license back…WHAT?!?!?!?!  …lol…

My team is made up of five people – including me. It’s a family – Mother, Father (broker), Daughter (Realtor) and Daughter’s best friend (office manager) of 10 years. I LOVE them. They took me in like I was part of the family and ya know what? I do consider them family too.

Right after my 60 days mark, my boss took us girls to Shelley Island (the Broker stayed behind to mind the office…smile…) – the island was formed off North Carolina during a huge storm – and is covered with shells!!! OMG!! That was so much fun!! I actually relaxed, breathed in the air and exhaled slowly several times. I so needed that day. Only my daughter knew where I was going – I didn’t want my phone blowing up while I was out of town for the day. While eating lunch, they joked saying they had actually gotten to see the ‘real me’ …. hmmmm….maybe just a little while I squealed like a little girl over the shells and rolled my window down and giggled as we drove on the beach in the Jeep – I had never done anything like that day before and omg it was such an awesome memory making day.

That excitement still lingers today as I type this because, for the first time since my Sister died and my separation, I got to see a side of me I hadn’t in quite some time. And I know dd is glad to see that side again. dd even loves to come up to the office and see everyone – I know it’s a small thing, but, they are so nice to her!! Most offices don’t like visitors, but, my office welcomes her in and chats with her like she’s part of the gang.

Aside from still having migraines and stress and going grrrrrrr sometimes, I am….happy….and so ready for another day adventure!!!

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | September 22, 2017

Happy First Day of Fall!!

fall

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | June 22, 2017

Stoves and Burners

I’ve always been a big fan of writing whenever and however you can. First thing in the morning before work/school/breakfast….jot down a few words on lunch break…write after dinner/before bed…write when the house is dark and quiet…

Unfortunately, I’ve discovered that my creative side is tied tightly to my emotions and if my life is in an upheaval, my creative side just simmers quietly on the back burner. Speaking of back burners, last night I was at my monthly writing meet-up and the thought came to me. Our lives are like stoves – sorta..kinda….hear me out…

The burners are made up of family, friends, jobs, writing, sewing, painting – all the different parts of our lives. Right now my personal and professional (money making) parts are not settled – well, I got a new job (yay!!) so hopefully that part will calm down – but, they are on the front burners because that’s all I think about 24/7. So my writing, sewing,- creative side are on the back burners, simmering.

I used to be able to go from burner to burner, stirring and giving each one attention. As I’ve gotten older, I tend to focus on one or two burners and let the others either simmer or the flame goes out. Which, as much as I love writing and reading and scuba diving, that’s a shame. One that I intend on correcting…

I envy those who succeed at juggling all parts of their lives in a calm, rational manner. I struggle to just juggle the immediate parts. However, I am also a big fan of ‘one day at a time’ – I try to live by that and sometimes I’m successful. Heck, I’ve made it this far, right? So, back to writing whenever I can…back to reading whenever I can…back to sewing whenever I can…one day at a time…

 

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | June 6, 2017

Been A while…

I know, it’s been a while…I took a temp job as an overnight donut/bagel baker and while I have worked overnight before, this job has drained me both mentally and physically. Friday night was my last night and while I’m glad to be done with that sleep schedule, I will miss the paycheck…sigh…

I’ve missed writing and working on FurrVille projects. No new hats or tails or stories. I really felt the drain on my creativity and it has bothered me. Hence why I’m rambling now.

I hate that jobs don’t pay enough to survive on. Most people have to have two jobs just to make ends meet. dd and I don’t live outside our means either. We have the basic bills and yeah, we just started playing World of Warcraft again, but, that’s my only escape from reality.

I am looking forward to writing and creating new hats-n-stuff so stay tuned.

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | March 15, 2017

Interviews…

I have been to so many interviews over the past two years. I’m overqualified or I don’t have the exact experience they are looking for or they decide at the last minute to promote from within. It’s very frustrating and discouraging. But, what do you do? I’ve applied to tons of jobs that go unanswered so when I finally get a call/email for an interview, I jump on it, thinking, maybe this time they will see what an awesome catch I am and fall over themselves offering me the job.

Is that too much to ask for?

A job that will pay the bills and relieve some of the stress I’m under every month. Once I pay the bills I think I can breathe until I remember, it starts all over again on the 1st….sigh…such is life right?

I feel like right now I am existing…not living. Kinda hard to live your life and enjoy things when you are stressed about paying bills or fixing the car or just getting food on the table. That’s one reason I tend to stay home. I don’t have the money to go out and waste gas but sometimes, the four walls are almost suffocating and I have to get out. Right now, the car is parked so getting out is not happening – except to get groceries and that’s a rush to get in and out.

There’s always tomorrow right?

 

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | January 28, 2017

Starting Over – Again

I am sooooooo tired of starting over. Wait, I think I’m tired of struggling and trying to start over. Tired of trying to get my feet back under me and not making it. I can’t be the only 40ish divorced female trying to start over. It does suck. Very much so. But, I don’t have a choice – it’s not like I can just curl up on my bed and wake up to things being different – that would be awesome though wouldn’t it?

I’ve applied to so many jobs – some I’m not even qualified for. Some I am over qualified for. I even work for a temp agency but they never seem to have anything for me. I think I’m tired of being told I’m doing something wrong. I’m applying to jobs…I’m talking to people…I’m not just sitting on the couch eating bonbons.

Depression is a horrible best friend. It’s always with me and never let’s me have any peace. I know I know…it will get better. But….When? It’s been two years since the separation and I’m still struggling. Will it get better? Will I be able to show my daughter that after the separation and daily struggle to survive that there is a rainbow?

I have to.

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | January 1, 2017

Happy New Year!!

2017

Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | December 30, 2016

Princess Leia…

Ahhhhh…golly…I have tried to write this since she died but needed time to get my thoughts together. I adored the Princess. She was strong and beautiful and didn’t put up with any crap from anyone. She showed that women could be beautiful and strong in movies and showed me that I could do anything I wanted.

I’m not sure what else I can say that hasn’t been said already.

She was our Princess…our hope…she will be missed…

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