Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | October 8, 2017

Beginning to Feel like My Old Self…

When my sister died in 2008 a huge part of myself died with her. When the holidays started rolling around, I didn’t care. My ex could do whatever he wanted – he did – he put up the most awesome Christmas decoration in the front year complete with those huge metal trees that I think was actually taller than the house!! and he put music to it all – the very end was dedicated to my sister – yep, I blubbered like a baby. I did mange to buy presents for my ex and dd and I did cook Christmas dinner, but, my heart wasn’t in it. They all knew it. I couldn’t help it. I was 100% broken. I lived only for my dd honestly.

Anyone who knows me, even now, knows how much I am such a 2 year old…lol…I love love love love — did I say LOVE — the holidays – from Halloween thru New Years – LOVE it all!! The scents, colors, food – everything. So for me to NOT care about decorating – and doing just the bare minimum if that, yeah, something was wrong.

To be honest, it’s been getting a little better each year. Mainly because of my dd. If it weren’t for her, I honestly don’t think I would be here. Moving forward to three years ago when I became separated right around Thanksgiving – yeah, that was pretty horrid. Totally put a darkness on the holidays – and there was nothing I could do about it. My dd and Mom were both awesome and understanding and I really did try, again, just the bare minimum. We moved to an apt – talk about downsizing!!! We had no need for the deer out front or the zillion window lights or the blow ups – except for my Tigger blow up of course…lol…I still put lights up and we used dd’s little 4′ black tree and used what ornaments we had – it was ok. Last year I added a light projector on our balcony and it sent snowflakes twirling around the ceiling – it was rather cool!! I also added lights along the windows again. This year, it’s Halloween – and I’m seriously decorating. I usually have an arrangement on the door and some kind of lights out on the balcony. This year, I have all that, plus my blow up black cat and I’ve started decorating inside again.

I also signed up for my office BOO surprise – you pick a name and and you get to surprise them all month – then on Halloween they find out who BOO’d them – sooooo much fun!! I went out this weekend and got FUN stuff for my victim…errrr…I mean, BOO recipient…lol…

I have my dd to thank for my slow progress to my old self again – not there yet, but, working on it. I also have the wonderful team at work that I am on to thank for my progress as well. I have only been with them for three months, but, they are just awesome and I am so lucky I am on their team. I think they are stuck with me…lol…I have worked in other offices where the holidays were just another day – and if you know me, you know that I love to celebrate everything – birthdays, holidays, new jobs, raises…smile…

I have always felt that life has enough suckiness and we should celebrate anything – nothing is too small to be celebrated. When my sister died, she proved my thinking that life is too short to not celebrate living and all that goes with it. I hope I have rubbed off on dd with my thinking because we all need a surprise and celebration.

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