Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | March 11, 2016

That ah-ha Moment

Yesterday I read a blog post that just smacked me with the ah-ha moment. I don’t know why I had the idea that I had to hide my thoughts. I know I’m not the only writer who has self-doubt or the ‘what did I just write?’ moments. And to be honest, it’s good to say that. Yes, I have self-doubt about tons of things. Unfortunately, my writing is on that list.

How could anyone like what I write? Will anyone even read it? Will they laugh? Or will it put them to sleep?

Yesterday, I needed that ah-ha moment. I honestly felt like a brick had fallen off my shoulders – it was like, I was looking in the mirror and saw myself in those written words. I felt rejuvenated in a way. I need to stop hiding behind the ‘oh what if’ and just do it. I’ve often felt like I was just a hobby writer. I’ve been writing and dreaming since I was in elementary school. Now, almost 30ish years later I’m just beginning to realize that I’m not alone.

I have moments where I stare at my screen and nothing comes out. I feel like a fake – a fraud. No words are flowing. How can I call myself a writer when I’m not writing anything?  Days will go by and I’ve not written. Then all of a sudden BAM!!

I’m writing again!!!

Why do we creative people punish ourselves? We have a gift. We should be sharing and entertaining people. To those who can sit and write every day and pop out articles / blog posts every day and several books each year, I am in awe and yeah,  slightly jealous. I wish my head could stop spinning long enough for me to write more than a blog post. I wish my mind could focus on one thing at a time. I tend to get distracted by stuff going on around me, or in my head and any discipline I have goes out the door.

When things aren’t good or flowing right in my life, my creative side takes the hit. I know that. I just don’t know how to fix it. I think that’s why I write the blog posts or poetry. I’m still being creative. I’m keeping my toes in the writing world. I want to do more than just float though.

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Responses

  1. When I was a kid, I wrote constantly. Stories filled my head. Sometimes I wrote them down, sometimes not. Sometimes I wrote down a scene or two or the idea and that was as far as I got even though I pretty much told myself the whole story. As I got to be an adult, I wrote less until I decided to be a “real” writer. I wrote stories down. I tried to get them published. I took classes and got feedback. I became a fairly decent writer. I became an even better editor. But then I realized that I didn’t care if anyone loved my stories. I didn’t really have the desire to jump through all the hopes it took to be a real writer. So I wrote for my blog (stories as well as posts). I decided to stop trying and I loved it. Then I decided to stop forcing the stories onto paper. I tell myself stories. Sometimes I share them but most times not. Guess what – the world didn’t end. I didn’t feel like I was a failure because I realized that I didn’t have to make anyone else happy. I have a job I love which has nothing to do with writing. I read and tell myself stories for me – no one else. And I am happy. That’s my life, don’t let it sound like that should be your life. My point is do what makes you happy. I never thought this would be my life because I thought I had to make my dreams be what provided for me. It’s not what works for me. I am so glad it works for others and I can appreciate what they bring into the world. For me, I am going to be that writer that dies with a pile of unpublished manuscripts and that’s okay. Hope this time of discontent leads you to something wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person


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