Posted by: S. Elisabeth M. Abbott | September 27, 2012

4 years ago…

On September 27, 2008 @ 3:21pm, my only sister (and sibling) died unexpectedly.  I was enjoying the morning with my daughter and we had just finished lunch with a friend and were heading home when I got a call from my Mom that changed my life forever.

I didn’t make it in time to see my sister before she died.  Even though I drove like a maniac to get to the hospital – I live 2 hours away – it wasn’t fast enough to get to her in time.  Of course I know there was nothing I could have done to have helped save her.  But, my heart didn’t want to hear that.  In fact, when the doctor told me my sister had died I thought she was joking.  What a horrible joke.  Alas, she was not joking.

In the past four years I have gone from crying every time I talked about her to tearing up when I talk about her.  She was such a huge part of my life.  I never imagined a day without her.  I don’t really like talking about death anyways so the thought of losing someone so close was unthinkable.

It suddenly smacked me in the face that I am the age she was when she died.  That really kinda scares me.  I’m really kinda looking forward to my next birthday because then I will have made it past the year she didn’t.  I have read that is normal for siblings…as it’s also normal for us to feel guilty that we survived and they didn’t.

My heart breaks for those who lose loved ones but my heart really breaks for those siblings who stand quietly to the side while the parents are front and center.  As well they should be…no parent should ever have to bury a child…but…siblings are often forgotten and looked over as though their pain isn’t as great or real.  Believe me, it is.

We grew up sharing secrets and fighting and loving each other.  I smile (and groan) when I think of the times my sister threw bugs on me cause she knew how much I hated bugs…still do!!  I smile when I think of the phone calls we shared where I made her laugh so hard she couldn’t breathe.  I also remember the fights we had but she always hugged me and said she loved me.

Someone once told me I was now an only child – no…I’m not…I had an older sister…she is still and always will be, my older sister…

To my beloved sister, Kelly…I miss you and love you so very much…



  1. My beautiful daughter is terminally ill. It is a terrible journey for a family. Thank you for your poignant post.


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